Before the Lights Go Out
I read a lot! I probably don’t have to tell most of you that because I am always telling you about what I am reading and how I am feeling about what it is that I am reading. Lately, there have been a great number of articles on couples wanting to spice up their marriage by inviting another person into their beds.
I am thoroughly confused by this. I am not judging, but just like everything else that I write, I do have an opinion about this.
We are quick to tell people to mind their own business and not to get in our marriage, but some people are willing to invite another person into their beds? How in the world does this help? If the sex is off the chain when and if you do have your manage trois, wouldn’t you be looking for that high all of the time?
That leads me to my next point. What is an open marriage? Either you are completing the circle or you are not. There are no openings in the circle it is three hundred and sixty degrees. I would take open to mean that either party is allowed to do anything that they damn well please. If that is the case then why not get a divorce and just date?
Why is everything these days so loose? Why do people want to half way do everything? I wish that I could half way do something. I just can’t. I do it or I don’t do it.
Ladies, on the real, what level of self-esteem are we at that we would allow another woman to have our husbands? I know that someone will want to tell me that they have great self-esteem and that is why they are alright with doing this sort of thing. Bullshit. I’m your girl, so I will call you on your mess. Self-esteem does not look like this from any angle.
Who is suggesting this? How does this conversation come up? My husband cannot ask me anything about bringing another woman into our bed. I don’t get down like that. I’m strictly… you know the rest. How does the conversation even get to the point of consideration? Are husbands asking for this?
Ladies, are you asking your man to allow you to bring help into the bedroom by way of another female? Would a man ever say no to having two women at once? I would like to think that there are some men that would say no. I would hope that mine would be one of them. I would hope that a man could look at their women and know that she is enough for him. If the woman is not enough, what is the marriage really about?
Now, let’s flip the script on this thing.
Men are you asking your women for help in the bedroom via another man? I don’t know any man that would want to do this sort of thing with “HIS” woman. He might do it to “A” woman, but not HIS wife.
Ladies, are you asking your man to allow another man into your bed? Again, how did this conversation come about? I mean really?
What happens when the lights come back on and the two of you have to look at each other in your truth? What happens the first time he is late coming home and doesn’t answer the phone? What happens the first time she smiles in a way that you haven’t seen in a long time? What does the third party do with any feelings or emotions they might have after this thing is done?
There are questions to be answered after the lights come back on. I think that they should be addressed before the lights go out and way before a third human being is invited into your bedroom.
If things need to be spiced up maybe some of the suggestions below can help.
Renewal of wedding vows
Adult Games and Toys
Weekend Getaway with no interruptions (no phones)
Reading erotica aloud to each other.
I am not a therapist and not everything works for everyone. I would never recommend bringing another person into your bedroom. I have not heard of a single success story surrounding this type of romantic escapade.
Most times when the bedroom is lacking it is because there is something else missing. A healthy conversation over candlelight and wine might do wonders.